Category Archives: Daycare

My Little Loan Shark

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I have been given 12 hours to pay back my five year old (with interest) or he has threatened to “take me to zero.” I don’t know what that means, but it does not sound good.

While getting ready to leave the house this morning, I noticed that the diaper bag was already gone. Normally, this would not have been an issue. But, since my wallet was still in the outside pouch from last night’s outing, I had a sinking feeling that GWE took the bag with her not realizing that she also had my identification, credit cards, and cash. I immediately called her to see if she had the diaper bag. She did. Luckily, she had planned on being near my office today, so she could drop it off. Problem solved, kinda.

I then loaded Garrett and Justin into the car and seat-belted them in. I turned the ignition on, looked at my dashboard, and had a minor heart attack. No gas. I had less than a ¼ of a tank and needed to get from Northridge to Encino to take the kids to school and then from Encino all the way into Santa Monica for work and then all the way back home to Northridge again….and I still had no wallet. Out of frustration, I turned around to look at the kids and my luck changed….

Sitting in between Justin and Garrett was a crumpled, ten dollar bill that Grandpa Bob had given to Justin less than a week earlier for his pre-school graduation. I looked at the money and then I looked into the face of my sweet, innocent, child.

“Justin, can I borrow your $10.00 bill?” I asked kindly.

“No.” he responded.

“Please, Justin. I really need to borrow it for gas.”

“Where is your money, daddy?” he asked.

“Well, mommy accidentally took my wallet because it was in the diaper bag and I really need a few dollars for gas.” I explained.

“Why do we need gas? Where are we going?” At that point, I knew I was screwed. How do you tell a five year old that you need to borrow his money (money that he doesn’t want to give you) to take him to a place that he doesn’t want to go?? (School!)

“Buddy, I love you and I promise to give you a crisp, unwrinkled $10 bill tonight. But right now, I need your money.” At this point, I wasn’t really asking. I was sliding it out of his hand as we continued to talk.

Tears began to form and I felt like crap about this, but gasoline is gasoline.

After a few minutes, Justin asked, “Can I call mommy?” I dialed mommy and handed Justin the phone. She picked up on the third ring.

“Mommy? Daddy took my ten dollars and he said that you took his wallet and now he is going to use my ten dollars for gasoline. Why did you take his wallet?” She paused and explained that it was an accident. She then encouraged Justin to ask for interest on my ten dollar loan. “Tell him that you want eleven dollars,” she said.

“Daddy, I want twelve dollars!!” he demanded.

“WHAT?!?! A 20% vig!?!?!?!” I was outraged, but really needed the cash.

“Fine, buddy. You win.”

Put Some South in Your Mouth!

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Justin had his first real homework assignment last week. Correction: GWE did Justin’s first real homework assignment for him last week. As we all know, it’s a slippery slope – you do one assignment for your kid in pre-school and 12 years later you find yourself robbing a bank to pay “Sleazy Larry” for the SAT answers the night before the test. It’s not pretty.

Week by week, all of the kids in Justin’s class had been doing presentations (with visual aids) on their “culture.” Some kids talked about which country they were from, some talked about their family’s religion, and some talked about living in a home where their culture revolved around sports. GWE decided that Justin’s culture would be “Southern Cuisine.” And, since we had just returned from Atlanta with bunches of brochures and plates from the Coca-Cola Museum and hats from The Varsity and The Waffle House, we had plenty of souvenirs for Justin’s class.

I will spare you the boring details for how everything came together. What GWE and I were surprised to discover was that Justin is a Master Orator! He had no problem standing in front of his class to make his presentation. With the excitement and vigor of a Soapbox Preacher extoling the virtues of Heaven, Justin began to tell his class of the magical place called “ATLANTA.” It is the home of Papa Jeff and Grandma Penny! It has an aquarium with whales! It also has a place called The Waffle House that serves – WAFFLES! The more he spoke about his culture, the more animated he became.

Once everyone had their hats on and were in their seats, Justin provided everyone with GWE’s Southern favorite – raisin toast with apple butter! In five years, that was the quietest I had ever heard any classroom at Justin’s school. Silently, little “munchkins” munched on their treats. When they were done, they all hailed Justin for making their day better and sweeter!

I went back to the school to pick up Justin (and Garrett) later that afternoon. As I sat in the car, I watched kids leave the classroom. They were still wearing their Varsity hats…SEVEN HOURS LATER. Clearly, Justin’s presentation made an impact and I could see that he clearly felt very good about himself.

When GWE returned home, she asked Justin if he had a good day. In an effort to get a “thank you” from her son for all of her hard work, GWE specifically asked Justin what the best part of the day was. He thought about it for a moment and said, “Nap time!”

“No, no, no,” she said, while still looking for some recognition of her contributions. “What was the BEST part of your day today?”

He thought about it again for a few more seconds and replied, “I really liked Nap Time today!”

Dear Justin….

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On Monday, GWE left Los Angeles and went on a week long business trip to the East Coast. She had been talking about it for quite awhile and Justin was fully aware of what was going on. Besides GWE leaving at 5:00am, nothing was different that morning. We continued our normal routine of getting dressed, making breakfast, and heading off to daycare.

When we got to school, I asked Justin if he wanted to assist me in dropping Garrett off in the infant room. He politely declined and headed over to the main office to talk to a couple of his teachers. I quickly got Garrett situated and as I was coming out of the infant room I heard an eruption of laughter. It was coming from the main office. Knowing that Justin was last spotted there, I feared the worst.

When the laughter died down, one of the teachers told me what had happened:

Justin walked into the office and pretended to be sad. When asked what was wrong, he slowly replied, “Mommy went away on an airplane.” And then, like a man who had just come home to find an empty house and an envelope on the mantel, he pathetically whispered, “And all she left me…….was a note.” They all cracked up again in the re-telling of the story!

I assured them that mommy WAS coming home, but I could still hear laughter coming from the office as I proceeded to escort Justin to his classroom.

This is the stuff country songs are made of.

The Real Lord of the Flies

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As you can see, Garrett is a natural born leader. Here he is at daycare, ruling over his minions. He has a commanding presence no one can ignore. Garrett is an infant among infants!

Little girls want to be near him and little boys want to be him! He is a fair and compassionate leader, yet firm (under all the “pudgy” baby fat) when it comes to demanding attention. Those of us who have studied Garrett’s leadership techniques still marvel at how effective the art of slamming our feet down repeatedly will motivate others to do our bidding.

His best selling book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People…into Changing Your Diaper” has outsold the Bible. Whether it’s drool from his mouth or poop from his butt, Garrett is always producing.

All hail Garrett!