Garrett picks up Women using Art

starbucksWhile running errands with Garrett, we decided to stop at our local Starbucks for a snack. Garrett chose an apple juice with a fruit box and I ordered a Purple Drink. (Look it up! It’s pretty good!) As we waited for my drink, Garrett asked if he could go and find a seat. I told him that would be fine. But, he needed to make sure that he chose a table that no one was sitting at AND it had to be within view of where I was standing. Garrett took his snacks, wandered the restaurant, and then chose an empty table for two….right next to a cute college-age girl. I saw her look up, acknowledge him, smile, and then go back to what she was working on.

I sat down across from Garrett and we began to have our snacks and chat about our day. I knew I didn’t have Garrett’s full attention because he kept looking over at the woman sitting next to me – the same one he chatted with when he sat down. Garrett leaned over and whispered, “What’s she doing?” I looked at him and said, “Why don’t you ask her?”

“Excuse me. What are you doing?” Garrett inquired.

The young woman sitting next two me stopped what she was doing, looked up, smiled (again) and replied, “I’m painting a birthday card for a friend.” She opened the plastic case of water colored paints and showed him.

“Can I try?” he asked.

“Of course,” she responded. She handed him the paints, the paint brushes in a cup of clear water, and a piece of paper. Carefully, she explained how the paints worked.


For the next 10 minutes, Garrett and his new friend were on an “Art Date.” I quietly sat there (like a third wheel) as they painted together and talked about their friends and common interests. He told her a joke that he got wrong, but she laughed anyway. She told him about a bigger art piece she was working on! I sat there in amazement watching my 5 year old son pick up a 20-something year old woman without him even realizing it.  When he was done with his painting, he put everything back together and then offered her his finished art piece. She told him she loved it. If he was 13 years older, he would have gotten her number right then and there. At 5, Garrett is more of a ladies’ man than I am at 41!

Ultimately, he decided to bring the art piece home to GWE instead. Right now, Mommy is still the only woman he cares about.

Justin’s Spanish Comic Book

During Justin’s final weeks of third grade, one of his homework assignments was to create a comic strip using the Spanish vocabulary words he had been assigned throughout the quarter. He was very excited about creating the comic strip. But, he was not thrilled at the prospect of trying to use his Spanish words to create a story. His plan was simple: create the comic strip first and then try to ‘massage’ the Spanish vocabulary words so that they fit the images.

His comic panels were great. But, as time went on, he struggled to find the right words to use. It was at this point that he made his biggest mistake: he asked for my help.

I do not speak Spanish. After five years of Spanish lessons, I can order a Chalupa at Taco Bell and ask for directions to a library. But, that’s about it. As I’ve confessed before, had I not been sitting behind Tammy Parks or Greta Jackson all throughout high school, I would have failed Spanish. Thanks to their unprotected classwork and my keen eyesight, I cheated my way to graduation. (Hey – “If you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying!”)

With my limited high school Spanish and a lot of help with Google Translate, I “helped” Justin with his assignment. Here are two examples of our collaboration:

Comic 1

In the first panel, a fight broke out. However, “punching” was not a vocabulary word. We decided to go with “Estoy tocando la cara con el puno,” which roughly translates to “I am touching your face with my fist.”

Comic 2


And finally, one character is laughing as the other one screams, “No me gusta bola de fuego!” This translates to “I do not like it when my balls are on fire!”  (I was sure someone would notice how inappropriate this was, but no one said anything! No note from the teacher….no call from the school.)

Somehow, Justin passed Spanish. I still owe a debt of gratitude to Tammy and Greta and I probably owe an apology to whoever read Justin’s comic book.

Lo siento!

Naked Pee-Pee Red Fart Butt


Never before in the history of the world has a piece of art been so accurately described by its own name: “Naked Pee-Pee Red Fart Butt.” This masterful piece of art (and the honor of naming it) came from the imaginative mind of my 3 year old son.

While at an early Father’s Day Brunch, Garrett was presented with a little packet of art supplies. Once he was finished with his ½ bagel, 6 whole strawberries, 8 donut holes, juice, and then MY ½ bagel, Garrett decided to let his creative juices flow. We opened the packet of art supplies and he started to place them on a Superhero certificate.

Garrett insisted that the clothes be glued to the cardboard first and then he wanted the person’s naked body to be glued on top of the clothing. Afterwards, he applied the mask, cape, and lightning bolt. One final piece fell out of the supply bag…a red, curved thing. Honestly, I had no idea where it was supposed to go. Garrett make the creative decision for the both of us.

When the project was done, I held it up and asked Garrett to name it. With a furrowed brow and his fingers gently tapping his chin, he assessed the artistic merits of his work. Finally, I could see that he had an epiphany. He turned to me and said, “I’m calling it “Naked Pee-Pee Red Fart Butt.””

I now present to you, “Naked Pee-Pee Red Fart Butt.”

Dear Brother…

As I walked into the kitchen, I discovered Garrett standing on a stool while half-perched on the counter. In one hand, he held a pen. The other hand was used to keep a yellow pad of paper from sliding away. His brow was furrowed and he was passionately scribbling something.


“Garrett?” I asked. “What are you doing?”


He turned to me and announced “Blaggle, Flaggle, Blaggle.” (Ok, I’ve read too much “Knuffle Bunny.”)


And then, as clearly as I’d ever heard him say anything, I heard him say, “I writing Justin a note a come home a sleepover!!”


At first I was surprised to hear all those words coming out of his mouth. Then, I realized what he said. I had to make sure that I heard what I thought  I heard.


“Are you writing your brother a note to tell him to come home from his sleepover???”


“Yea,” he replied, as if to say “Are you deaf? That’s what I just said!” Afterwards, he turned his head and resumed his heartfelt plea for Justin to return home.


Here is the note:

note to justin

An Act of Appreciation

Justin ran a few errands with me this weekend. One of the items I needed was a dry erase board. When I got home, I scribbled a quick note on the board to Justin using some of his spelling words. He legitimately read the note! It was quite impressive!

He decided to return the favor. With the dry erase board and a black marker, Justin chose to show his appreciation for the father that dresses, feeds, and cares for him. Clearly, “respect for our elders” is a family trait.


Holy Post-Impressionism, Batman!!

Last night, while doing his homework, Justin asked me to help him. One of the tasks was to draw six bats for Halloween and then color each of them brown. Justin was unsure of how to draw a bat and he asked for me to draw one first so he could see how it was done. Luckily, I had my laptop open and I Google Imaged Batman’s crest. I grabbed a piece of paper and pencil and I began to draw (what I thought was) a “bat.”

Justin looked at my bat for a few moments and he said, “No daddy! Draw me a real bat!” I proceeded to explain to him that I had no artistic ability whatsoever. If it wasn’t for my opposable thumbs and quick wit, I would be swinging from tree to tree and flinging my own poo at this moment. (Speaking of poo, after Justin decided that my bat sucked, I added a few pellets of poo dropping out of my bat’s butt. So mature!)

Justin took the pencil from my hand and drew his own bat. I must admit….it was much better than mine. Because Justin is ambidextrous, I enjoyed watching him color in the bats on his homework sheet with crayons in each hand at the same time.

I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson here. Either GenXDaddy is a terrible artist or he needs glasses!