Today is Justin’s 9th Birthday!!


Dear Justin –

Happy 9th Birthday!! It has been an incredible year watching you grow and mature into an amazing person. We have done so many things together that I’m not even sure where to begin! You’ve been a great role-model for your brother, a kind and dutiful friend to those around you, an increasingly good golfer and swimmer, a true “gamer,” and the best son anyone could ask for. You’re always quick with a pun, have great stories to share, and I truly enjoy seeing what you create. (Yes, that includes Minecraft.)

Thank you for not being embarrassed by me (yet,) laughing at my terrible jokes, and spending time with me. Whether we’re on a golf course, fishing, hanging out at the comic book store, or just grabbing a bite to eat – it’s a lot of fun to hang out with you.

I know you’re going to love all of the presents you get this year….because you’ve been asking for all of them since your last birthday!! But, just know that you’re the real birthday gift to us. This day is simply another reminder of how much mom and I love you and how much you’ve added to our lives!

Happy 9th Birthday!




I Am “UNCLE” GenXDaddy!!


We have a new addition to the GenXDaddy family! On January 31, 2015 at 5:30PM., my sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. (My brother-in-law helped!)


In this corner, weighing in at 7 lbs, 14 oz with a length of 20.5 inches long and with a very full diaper – Sadie Bella Bergman!!


Hey Sadie – when you’re ready for your first scotch, cigar, and tattoo…come to Uncle Jason’s house! Cousin Justin, Cousin Garrett, Auntie GWE, and I are ready to corrupt you!



Today Is Justin’s 8th Birthday!

Baby Justin

“Put me back!!! I’m not ready yet!!”

Eight years ago, I looked down at my newborn son and thought, “Wow. This kid’s ugly.” He was wrinkly, slimy, hairy, and he was missing his teeth! He looked exactly like my Grandpa Eli. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Justin from the moment I saw him. (And, I was very fond of Grandpa Eli, too.) I just wasn’t prepared for the fact that Justin didn’t look like the Gerber Baby immediately after he was delivered. As the nurses cleaned him off, I remembered slipping off one latex glove and putting my bare hand on his chest. I knew I had to be the first person to touch this child…and I was. We have been inseparable ever since. Today may be Justin’s 8th birthday, but to me it’s a reminder that the last 8 years have been the best time of my life.

Dear Justin – What an unbelievable year you have had. I don’t even know where to begin. You have grown so much physically and emotionally. You have excelled in school, made lots of new friends, and you’ve been a wonderful (and helpful) brother to Garrett. You have made us laugh with your goofy puns, you’ve amazed us with your incredible reading and storytelling, and (begrudgingly) I will admit that you have become a better “Gamer” than I will ever be. Although – I still blame you for burning down my Minecraft house!

Together, we’ve played video games, built Lego projects, read books (you love “Harry Potter”), done massive homework projects, cooked, fished, (and then cooked the fish…which you refused to eat), thrown the baseball around, gone swimming, taken vacations, and so much more. I love sitting next to you while watching “America’s Funniest Home Videos” because your laughter is infectious. And, I love taking you out to play golf. Like any true golfer, you complain all the way to the golf course. But, once you’re there, you play better than me and then complain when we have to leave.

Watching you grow up this year has been incredible and I can’t wait to see how great “8” will be!!

Love you,


PS. – You weren’t that ugly when you were born. You were more like a gooey, screaming, albino raisin!


Happy Birthday, Justin!!


The Origin of Garrett

Of all the stories that I’ve shared on this blog, it dawned on me that I have not shared the origin of Baby Garrett’s name. I was thinking about it while reading an article from Dr. Lisa Quick. As she points out – one of the common themes in choosing a baby’s name is, “How will it affect the outcome of their lives?” Is Little ‘Moshe’ destined for life as a Rabbi? Will ‘Sheldon’ only be good at accounting? I think GWE and I were partially relieved to discover that we were not having a girl because it saved us from having to judge possible girl’s name by their “Stripper Potential.”

“Please welcome to the stage….Bambi!” No. “Please welcome to the stage…Tiffany!” No. “Please welcome to the stage…Selma!” Maybe!

GWE and I began tossing around potential names the evening we found out we were having a boy. Many of the names we liked when we were choosing Justin’s name no longer seemed to be in the running. We had a few new choices, but nothing we were married to.

Then, last May, GWE and I were in Atlanta visiting family. It was a stressful week because it happened to be the same week all of the networks were deciding which television pilots to pick up. I had booked only one pilot that year and I was in a panic. The client was Garrett Morris and the show was a small, unknown ½ hour pilot called, “Two Broke Girls.” On the night of my parents’ anniversary dinner, we were driving back to their house when Garrett called to check in. While on speakerphone, in front of my parents, wife, sister, and soon to be brother-in-law, I informed Garrett (jokingly) that if this show got picked up – I was going to name our unborn baby after him. We all laughed about it.

Later that night, GWE turned to me and said, “That’s not a bad idea.” I asked her what she was talking about. “Garrett,” she said. “I like the name Garrett.” The next afternoon we found out that “Two Broke Girls” was picked up.

As the months leading up to Garrett’s birth passed, we continued to contemplate names. Some stayed on the list, but many came off. “Garrett” remained the entire time. Typically, in the Jewish faith, you name your child after a relative who has passed on. And while we were certain that we would do this with his Jewish name, we were seriously considering going against tradition and not only naming him after a person who was not a family member…but, someone who was still alive!

At some point as a parent, you are faced with actually making a final decision about the name of your child. And, I had to seriously think about it. Were we really about to name our child after Garrett Morris? Seriously?? The “Base-ball been berry, berry good to me” guy?? As I thought about it, I realized that this was a man who had been my friend and someone who stood by me at a time when many would not. This was also a client who had enough faith in my professional guidance and my career to convince me to come back to a business that seemed like it didn’t want me. Garrett had shown me friendship, loyalty, and trust. These are the qualities I wanted our son to have. And so the decision was made – “Garrett” would be the name for our son.

Now, there is a part of the story that GWE did not know until right now. (Sorry, hon.) Since I’m putting this story in writing, I wanted it to be accurate…, the following is true. Three weeks before “Little” Garrett was born, I told “Big Garrett” about the baby’s name. We were backstage at a taping of his show and as I was leaving, I turned to Garrett and told him that I would see him next week. He replied, “You mean the week after. We’re on hiatus next week.” At that moment, it dawned on me that there was a possibility I might not see him until after the birth. And…to tell someone you just named a child after them seemed too important to do over the phone. I took a moment and made a judgment call. I then asked him if I could talk to him in his dressing room for a moment. He looked concerned and let me in. And then….I just said it – “Garrett – GWE and I love you, you’re important to us, and we’re naming this baby after you.” At that moment, I saw him turn white, stare at me for a moment in disbelief, and then reply, “Holy Shit!” We talked for a few moments about it and then I swore him to secrecy. I asked him to please act surprised when GWE and I called to tell him the good news. He did!

There is one more funny part to this story. Just as we had with Justin, we refused to tell anyone the name before the actual birth. However, we did tell MOGWE (Mother of Greatest Wife Ever) and FOGWE (Father of Greatest Wife Ever) that the name began with “G”. We would never acknowledge if they were correct, but they were allowed to throw out names to gauge our responses. For weeks, they would ask us about every “g” name in the book. We politely smiled and moved on to another subject. On the Sunday before Garrett’s birth, MOGWE and I were sitting on the sofa and she turned to me and said, “I know you didn’t name him after a 74 year old comedian.” I smiled back and said, “Of course not!” All the while, I was laughing to myself while thinking – “Well, you’re in for a big surprise!!”

And that is the origin of “Garrett.”




Just a Little off the Top

The clock was ticking. Garrett only had seven days left with his penis intact. I begged him to “use it or lose it,” but he ignored my advice and wisdom. Instead, he continued to drool on himself and poop into a diaper. On the eighth day, (like a gunslinger in the Old West) the Mohel arrived on our doorstep looking for my baby’s schmeckel. He was carrying a satchel of tools, a few extra Tallit (religious robes), and a gleam in his eye. Someone was about to lose their foreskin!

For those of you who don’t know, Jewish law states that a circumcision is a ‘mitzva aseh” (“positive commandment” to perform an act) and is obligatory for Jewish-born males. It is performed at a “party” where family members and close friends gather to hear the child’s Hebrew name, watch a foreskin cutting, and then nosh on mini deli sandwiches. At this party, it is better to be a guest than the Guest of Honor!

Justin’s circumcision was the first one I had attended. It was done by Dr. Fred Kogen. He performed a wonderful, heartfelt ceremony and then he proceeded to remove by son’s foreskin with three or four quick moves. I remember thinking, if he’s this good at circumcision – I bet he’s got fantastic turkey-carving skills at Thanksgiving!

For Garrett’s circumcision, we asked Dr. Kogen to return to do the honors. Once again, he performed a touching ceremony! However, without going into too much detail about the actual procedure, I can tell you that Garrett’s reaction was far different than Justin’s. When Justin was clipped, he cried (even though he was completely numb.) When the time came for Garrett to get cut, we laid him on the table in front of the Mohel. Grandpa Bob held his upper body in place as I held down his right leg and my father held down his left leg. And then, there was silence…..

In the few seconds before the Mohel went to work, Garrett stared at all four of us defiantly. The look in his eyes said, “I know what you’re about to do. Go ahead and take it! I’ve got eight more inches to work with!!”

After it was all said and done (and in accordance with Jewish ritual), I took Garrett’s foreskin (and the umbilical cord that had just fallen off) and went outside to bury it. To this day, Justin and Garrett’s foreskins are buried next to each other under my lemon tree.

If my lemon tree ever decides to produce fruit and I’m able to make juice out of the lemons, I will bottle it like a fine wine and label it, ”Dos Prepucio Vineyards” aka (“Two Foreskin Vineyards”)