Stand-Up Jokes from A Seven Year Old

"Take my mommy, please!"

“Take my mommy, please!”

While on the way to school one morning, Justin announced that he wanted to tell me something funny. Without warning, Justin began doing stand-up jokes in the back of my car. There was no cover charge…no 2 drink minimum…and no warm-up act. Justin just went for it!

Q: Why did the Vampire drink blood?

A: Because he was King Kong.

(Nice…an “Identity Crisis” joke. This could be the “Who’s on First?” for the next generation!)

Q: Why did people walk in the ‘80s?

A: Because cars hadn’t been invented yet.

(Good – he’s reaching out to the older folks in the crowd with a “Remember When” joke.)

Q: Why did the Bee stay home?

A: He was online.

(Excellent follow-up. Making the jokes relevant to the social media followers!)

Q: Why don’t cactuses need water?

A: Cause they don’t!

(Interesting. An honest “Think Piece!” Bold move at this point in his act.)

Q: Why don’t flowers dance in the ‘70s?

A: Hey look – a Starbucks!! Let’s get a soy chai latte!!

(Wow – excellent social commentary on the carefree days of the past verses the large corporations’ evil agenda to caffeinate (drug) and shorten the attention span of the youth!)

I was waiting for him to end his act with a “You’ve been a great audience” or “Thank you, Cleveland! You’ve been great!” Instead, he went with a “Bye, daddy. See you after school.”

I’m waiting for Louie C.K. or Chris Rock to steal Justin’s material! I dare any road-tested comedian to compete with that act!!!

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