It’s 4 O’clock Somewhere

410Have you ever wondered what goes on in your house at 4:10am? Neither did I. However, I found myself wide awake and quietly sitting on the sofa in my den while dealing with a bout of insomnia several nights ago. Everyone else was asleep (I assumed) and I was hoping that after a few minutes, I would be tired enough to return to bed. Little did I know, my house is a cornucopia of activity and entertainment at 4:00am. Here is what I heard/witnessed:

4:10 – I’m sitting quietly on the sofa watching The Golf Channel (no volume.)

4:15 – The neighbor’s cat jumps onto my roof and nearly scares the piss out of me. I thought we were about to be robbed.

4:20 – My 6 year old’s bedroom door opens. I crane my head over to the hallway just in time to witness Justin exit his room. His eyes are shut, he is no longer wearing his Mario pajamas (or underwear), and he “shuffles” over to the bathroom. I hear him go pee pee (no flush) and then I see him return to his room with his eyes still shut. The door closes. He never saw me.

4:23 – Justin’s door shutting must have woken up the 1 ½ year old. I can now hear Garrett yelling “DA-DA!! DA-DA!! DA-DA!!” His bedroom door is slightly cracked and I can’t tell if he sees me or not. Regardless, he excitedly keeps yelling “DA-DA!! DA-DA!! DA-DA!!” I decided to stay perfectly still. He’s like a bear in the wilderness. If he senses your movement, he will attack.

4:30 – The neighbor’s cat is now lying across the skylight in the den and looking down at me – judging. Garrett is still yelling “DA-DA!! DA-DA!!” and he’s added percussion by banging on the wall.

4:35 – I hear “BLOOP” from the kitchen. That’s just our fish – “Fred the Undead” trying to escape the aquarium again. After 8 ½ years in that aquarium, I understand his need for a “Shawshank Redemption.”

4:40 – I hear a “THUD” from Justin’s room. I can only assume that he shifted in his sleep and banged his head against the wall…again.

4:41 – The “THUD” has reignited Garrett’s “DA-DA  Drum Circle.” I swear there is only one kid in that crib, but he makes it sound like his stuffed animals (Mickey, Chica, and Elmo) have joined his band.

4:45 – I realize that I have about an hour and a half before I have to be up again. I attempt (for the second time) to go to bed.

As I found myself in bed staring at the ceiling, I began to wonder….what else happens in the middle of the night when I’m asleep???

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