“X” Marks the Spot

For the past few days, the whole family has been in Atlanta for GenXDaddy’s Sister’s Engagement Party. (Yes, I was charming and well-spoken at the party – but that’s a different story!) Since we brought the kids with us, we knew that Justin would need a playdate with someone his own age. Luckily, GWE’s friends (Peter and Jessica) have a little boy just a few months younger than Justin and a little girl who is a few years younger.

On the way to their house, we passed a cemetery. And, as we drove by, GWE and I noticed an actual coffin that was placed on two 4x4s ABOVE the grave site. I was really hoping that Justin had not seen what we had seen. I wasn’t prepared to discuss “death” with him yet. Why do we die? What happens when we die? Where do we go? Do we go anywhere? What happens to our bodies? Etc.

I began to mentally work through my “Age 5” appropriate answers on this topic, when all of a sudden Justin pointed at the coffin and screamed out, “DADDY, DADDY!!! LOOK!! A TREASURE CHEST!!!!!!!”

GWE and I looked at each other and then I said, “That’s right buddy! It’s a treasure chest.” Justin then thought for a second and then asked, “Can we open it?”

In unison, GWE and I responded “NOOOOOOOOO!!!”

(As a side note – I typically use my own photos for this blog. However, I discovered this photo of a Doctor Who themed TARDIS coffin and felt compelled to use it. I have no intention of dying – ever…but, should I be killed while rescuing Bunnies from a burning Playboy Mansion – it is my wish to be buried in this! I would prefer for my family and friends to think of me “having adventures while traveling through time and space in a TARDIS” instead of being six feet under and getting pooped out by worms.)

You May Be Right….I May Be Crazy….

It’s not easy to admit to a five year old that he was right and I was wrong. In my defense, it was 6:45am on a Sunday morning; I did not get a lot of sleep; and honestly….I didn’t believe him.

After giving Garrett his morning bottle, I placed him in his “nap nanny” on the floor of the living room and made sure that he was happy. I decided to shut my eyes for a few minutes in an attempt to catch up on Sunday morning sleep that I was sorely missing.

In an excited and slightly panicked tone, Justin rushed over to me while holding his plastic sword and sheath. He handed me the sheath and told me that his “gold” was at the bottom and he could not get it out. I shook the case and smacked it on the floor a few time. Nothing came out and there were no rattling sounds. I handed it back to Justin and told him that he was mistaken – there was nothing in there. He replied “Yes, there is daddy. Get it!” I looked again, but didn’t see anything.

He grabbed the sheath from me and stormed off. Two seconds later, he returned with the sheath and a flashlight. “Here, daddy! Look!” He flicked on the flashlight and (for the third time) I looked for his gold. I saw nothing…just blackness. The following conversation then took place:

Me: There is nothing down there.

Justin: Yes there is. Look again.

Me: Justin, there is nothing down there. I’ve looked.

Justin: Look again!! Look again!!!

Me: I swear to you on all that is holy…there is no gold down there.

(In the meantime, Garrett was in his special seat babbling at the two of us like he was also a part of this conversation.)

Justin: DADDY!! It’s down there! Get it now!!!

Me: Don’t yell at me. There is nothing there!!

Justin: DADDDDYYYY!!!! Don’t make me give you a time out!!!!!!!

Me: Justin, relax and go ask mommy.

(Ok, this was a “jerk” move on my part. This was my way of getting Justin to wake up mommy. I figured that if I had to be up to endure this – so did she!) Justin marched off to the bedroom and I heard him having a conversation with GWE, but could not make out the details. I was later told by GWE that Justin woke her up by shining the flashlight directly into her eyes. She was dreaming at the time and thought the police were out to get her!

Dejected, Justin returned to the living room and began to chant “Daddy sucks! Daddy sucks! Daddy sucks.” In a moment of exhaustion from lack of sleep and frustration from hearing how badly I sucked on a Sunday morning, I turned to Justin and barked, “Put the sword in the case. There is nothing blocking it! It will go all the way in!!” He angrily grabbed the sword and jammed it into the sheath. And……it only went halfway in. “SEE DADDY!! I TOLD YOU!!!!!!”

I looked at him and the sword in disbelief. There actually was something stuck. I took the case, banged it on the floor once, and out popped a silver dollar. He was right!!!! What made this much worse is that he knew he was right and now that he knew that I knew he was right, so he decided to rub it in my face.


I smiled, waited until he was done, looked him in the eyes, and then asked one direct question: “Justin – where did you get the silver dollar?” We both knew the answer. He stole it from my nightstand. At that moment, he froze and realized “oh shit.”


Justin VS. Siri

While on the way to “MamaBob’s” house in Orange County, GWE decided to ask her iPhone’s Siri App for a traffic update. Siri correctly replied with a detailed map of red spots specifically marking the trouble spots up ahead. From the back seat, Justin became immediately interested in GWE’s phone and decided that he wanted to also ask Siri a couple of questions. GWE handed him the phone:

Justin: “Siri, what highway are we on?”

Siri: “I do not understand the question”


Siri: “I do not understand the question.”

I took the phone from Justin and decided to ask my own questions:

Jason: “Siri, why does Justin smell so bad?”

(Justin erupted with laughter)

Siri: “I do not understand the question.”

Jason: “Siri, what is poop?”

Siri: (paused) “Let’s keep it clean here, ok?”

(All three of us burst into laughter.)

Justin decided that this was too much fun and asked for the phone back to resume interrogating Siri.

Justin: “Siri, Is daddy a man or a muppet?”

Siri: No response.

Justin: “Siri, Why do you hate daddy?” (giggle, giggle)

Siri: Again, no response.

Siri had decided that we were either too silly or stupid to play with, so she stopped responding. It didn’t matter – we had our fun!