Don’t think of this blog post as “edgy” or “controversial.” It is meant as a marital aide and should be considered a public service. If you have young children, any libido left after dealing with young children, and you and your spouse can’t find the time or energy to “git ‘er done,” then I am here to help! (At least, that is what I keep telling myself!)
My wife will read this and laugh on the inside while “evil-eying” me on the outside. I also expect MOGWE to privately send me an email suggesting that I might be over-sharing. My friend “Sherlock” (who has nothing BUT sex stories) will stop reading…right…about…..now. Single people don’t want to hear about their married friends having sex. To them, it’s like hearing about their parents doing it.
But, this isn’t about “having sex.” This is about “attempting to have sex.” Let’s be honest, we’re all adults here. I have two kids, so I’ve had sex twice in my lifetime. My wife, on the other hand, is still a virgin and as pure as the driven snow!
Like most married couples, we’re exhausted at the end of the day. Between long hours at the office and even longer evenings juggling the kids’ homework, dinner, bath times, changing diapers, taking out the trash, last minute laundry and dishes, and reading just one more chapter of “Captain Underpants” – the last thing either of us wants to do is a little “wink, wink, nudge, nudge.”
A few weeks ago, I came up with a brilliant idea – “The Sex Evite.” After receiving the 700th Evite to a kindergartener’s birthday party, it dawned on me that this could be put to much better use! I went onto Evite to see what my options were for “Romantic Interlude.” Evite had nothing even remotely risqué. I perused every single template and it just didn’t seem right to send an X-Rated Evite that was covered in duckies, bunnies, or Elmo. I finally settled on the disco ball themed invite because nothing says “Hot Sex in 2013” like a disco ball from 1978!
I added the “who,” “when,” and “where” to the invite and finally titled it “Time for a Pants Party (Or, a Party in our Pants.)” Feeling pleased with myself, I hit send. In less than five minutes, GWE responded that she would be in attendance. (However, she later confessed that she had not read the Evite carefully and she thought that the “Pants Party” was actually referring to a clothing “sample sale.”) Once I clarified what she had rsvp’d for – she (luckily) did not change her response.
I’m pleased to say that The Sex Evite worked. With an Wi-Fi connection, a little planning, and a locked and fortified bedroom door, we were able to find the time to “Dance the Matrimonial Polka.”
I wonder what else I can Evite my wife to do! Hmmm……..