Category Archives: Justin

Justin’s Magical Elixir

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After an hour of horsing around and jumping on Daddy, Justin told me that his tummy hurt. He went on to tell me that he needed “medicine.” I told him that he didn’t need medicine – but he yelled, “NO, I want MED-CINE!!”

Thinking quickly, I grabbed his hand and took him into the kitchen where we made/created “Justin’s Magical Elixir”. We poured apple juice into a cup, added two blueberries (because three blueberries will make you a junkie), and a drop of honey.

I then told him that this was his “special medicine” and that he needed to drink it while sitting quietly on the sofa. “Magically”, he felt much better.

Either Justin thinks I’m Merlin The Magician or the guy behind the counter at Jamba Juice.

Date Night

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A quick note about “Date Night.” As many married couples know, this is the night set aside for you to get re-aquainted with your significant other. One of the side effects of this event is the “child having a meltdown because you are leaving them with a babysitter.”

However, last night….this was not the case. Justin had not one, but two cute babysitters arrive at 7pm. He proceeded to play “hide and seek” with them (a game most dates traditionally end with). Then he spent 10 minutes trying to get Audra and I to leave the house. He practically unlocked the door, ran outside to start the car for me, and give me directions to dinner via Mapquest.

At that moment, I realized that to Justin -“Date Night” was actually referring to HIS night with the babysitters!!

Requiem for a Potty

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For the past week, I have been working on potty training Justin. Last night, while giving Justin a bath, I was sitting next to the toilet when I heard, “Glub” then “GLUB GLUB”. I casually reached over and gave the toilet a flush just to make sure everything was ok and it EXPLODED!! God knows what was in the bottom of that toilet, but it was now on the bathroom ceiling, the walls, me, Justin, the magazine rack, the mirror, etc.

I quickly grabbed Justin out of the tub, wrapped him in a towel (like a burrito so he couldn’t get away) and put him in his bedroom. Then, I pushed the stopper in the tub to have it drain while I dealt with the toilet. While cleaning shit/piss water off of everything, I looked over and realized that now the tub wasn’t draining either….and now Justin managed to find his way back into the bathroom to splash around in the previously mentioned shit/piss water.

Once again, I scooped him up and then got him dressed in pajamas and stuck him in front of the television. Then, I went back to the bathroom to clean it out. I moved all of Justin’s potty training stuff to the master bathroom. Sadly, curiosity got the better of me and I flushed that toilet as well. (In retrospect, I should have kept my head a little further away from the “blast zone.”) Now I had another toilet erupting.

I immediately grab my blackberry and emailed Audra that I need a plumber’s number ASAP (she was on a plane coming back from DC) because “We’re taking on too much water. ABANDON SHIP!! ABANDON SHIP!!”

In an effort to find a plumber at 10:00pm, I decided to call my neighbor Greg. Problem was – I couldn’t find his number!! So, I went back onto my Blackberry and Facebooked his wife, with “Call me, Help!” As soon as I hit send, I found their number in my kitchen (of course, Murphy’s Law). I call Greg and tell him what I needed, Audra landed and called back to tell me the plumber’s number is behind the kitchen cabinet, and as all the phones are ringing (and I’m sopping wet)- Justin chooses that moment to play “horsey” on my back. (Folks….I really wish I could make this up.)

Just as I finish explaining the situation to the plumber, Greg knocked on my door and said “I spoke with my friend and I know what to do.” We raced over to the sewer valve, opened the lid, and I heard him say “oh, dude, you don’t have a cutoff valve. You’re fucked.” (Thanks Greg). Justin, who has been outside with us (surveying the situation like a union foreman) decided that he had had enough and walked back into the house….closed the door…..and flipped the lock. Yes – he locked me out of the house. Greg fell over laughing. I finally bribed Justin to unlock the door by promising Legos and cookies.

Thirty minutes later the plumber showed up and assessed the situation. Between Justin’s toys everywhere, water leaking out of two rooms, a burning smell from the kitchen (because I forgot that Justin and I were making cookies), and now a burst light bulb in the entryway – I’m fairly certain this guy was going to call “Child Protective Services”.

He spent ten minutes snaking the drain and then came back into the house. His only question to me was “Are you potty training your son?” I was shocked!! I thought he was the Amazing Kreskin! How the hell did he know that?!?!?!?! “Yes,” I said proudly. He responded, “I guessed that because you clogged your pipes with used baby wipes. I just pulled a lump of them out of your drain. Stop doing that.”

And………THAT is how 10 baby wipes ended up costing me $245.00.

Baseball!

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Justin and I got to school around 9am and I signed him in. Afterwards, he took me by the hand and we walked outside to the play area. There were about 10 children sitting on the stoop between the grassy part of the playground and the woodchips. Justin sat down in the row and then made me sit down right next to him. And, then Dylan sat down on the other side of me. Justin then turned to me and explained that they were playing “baseball”.

One by one, Teacher Lilly and Teacher Saul would pick a child out of the lineup….and then Saul would “catch” while Lilly “pitched.” There was a little girl who they brought up first – she CLOBBERED the ball. (I signed her to an exclusive contract!) In the meantime, Justin is holding my right hand and Dylan is now holding my left hand. All of a sudden, Justin gets up and says “Stay right there daddy” and then runs off. He comes back a minute later with a little cup of water and hands it to me. Dylan and Justin proceed to explain that we need to drink water when we play baseball.

Finally, they call up Justin who runs over to Saul and grabs the bat…..and then holds it like a golf club. Saul corrects him, but he keeps holding it like a 9 iron. So, Lilly pitched it low and he did well the first time. The second time – he crushed it! In the meantime, Dylan is on my back screaming “Go Justin!!!”

It was a very surreal morning!

Potty Training Weekend

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Saturday –

Awake at 6am – two small accidents, one HUGE bulls-eye “Daddy Style.” Yeah!!!

12:00pm – I saw him go around the back of the sofa to his poop spot. I grabbed him and we ran to the potty. He took off his pants, sat on the potty, and then ordered me out of the bathroom. I am now sitting outside the bathroom door waiting for him.

12:05pm – PPPPPooooooooppppppiiiieeeeee!!!!!!! He crapped in the potty!!!!!!!!!!!! (It was a lot!!)

5:10 – accident on the floor. All fixed.

6:00 – peepee in the potty!

7:35 – long pee into the toilet. Afterwords, he looked at me and screamed, “I’m a genius!!!”

8:35 – last peepee of the day in the toilet. It’s been a very productive day. Tonight, we both get a break and he’s in a diaper for the rest of the evening. Tomorrow, we start again!!

Sunday –

Awake at 7am. Came into my room. Told me he needed to peepee in the potty and then he did. Off to a great start today!!

8:00 – accident, but close. He decided that he wanted to go potty by himself. He walked down the hall and closed the door. (I followed him and sat outside the door.) I heard him pull off his pants, go pee pee, then nothing, then he said “uh, oh – DADDY!!!!” I opened the door and found him standing on the stool with poop on the seat, poop on the stool, poop down his leg, and poop on the towel I put under everything. He helped me clean up and ended up getting a toy for being close.

9:35 – peepee in the potty!

10:30 – accident. Not even close to the potty. 🙁

1:00pm – went peepee in potty

4:00pm – woke up from nap. Did not go peepee in bed. Went straight to potty!!

6:10 – told me he needed to pee in potty. We made it! Success!!

Monday –

Awake at 6:45 – woke up dry. Made peepee in the potty!

9:06 – Just did drop off at school. He is wearing his underpants and he excited to show everyone!

5:30 – Just got Justin from daycare. Teacher Lily was very surprised at his progress from over the weekend. He had 1 1/2 accidents at school. Once he dribbled on his pants (that shouldn’t count) and once on the playground. Other than that, lots of successes today!

9:00 – I walked away from justin to put away dishes. All of a sudden I heard, “I DID IT!!” I turned the corner and Justin had gone down to the bathroom by himself, dropped his pants, and peed in the potty. He did the whole thing by himself – and DIDN’T want a toy as a reward!!!!!!! Yeah!!!

Tuesday –

7:00 – Justin woke up. Bed was dry. Walked straight into the bathroom and took the longest pee I’ve seen – ever!