Fred The Undead…is Dead

TankThe tank is empty and the filter has been turned off. All that remains are Fred the Undead’s pirate ship, “Bob” spelunker, and Gary the Snail. There are a few goldfish flakes left in the canister, but not much else. Fred the Undead…has died.

Fred the Undead was our goldfish. He had been a member of our family for 11 years. I bought him before GWE and I were engaged and he existed long before there was ever a ‘Justin’ or a ‘Garrett.’ Fred lived with us in three different homes and he probably has the distinction of being the only goldfish in history to have been driven up the 405 to Northridge once and across the 101 to Woodland Hills another time. Over the years, Fred’s gold coloring turned to white, his fins fell off, his tail fell off, his right eye fell out, and near the end – a cancerous tumor grew where his eye used to be. Regardless of all of these setbacks, Fred was in the same spot every morning waiting for me to feed him. He was happy and he was ours. And now, he is gone.

Auntie Shayna and Uncle Jesse have written a eulogy that far surpasses anything I could have written:

Fred (the dead)

“I’m too sexy, right?” said Fred

Yes you are, previously undead Fred

With your bulging eyes

Your tumors, too

Your fins were practically held on with glue

But you were loved

Like no other

For you, dear friend, had two human brothers

Your mom and dad got you before they wed

You knew their love for you they often said

Your orange fins you often shed

And they loved you still Fred the now dead

Present were you at many parties

Family fun and events, even there for dads morning farties.

You almost made it to your bar fishtzvah day

But it’s a good thing you did not for we’d schvitzah ok?

You see, it was your time to swim with the fishes

And we know your life was a good one and fulfilled all your wishes

So Fred the dead, always loved you’ll be

And very much missed by your family. Justin,  Garrett, Mom and Dad, they’ll think of you often, because you were so rad.

You’re still sexy, yes you are

For you will live on, among the stars


Fred the Undead – you will be missed.

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