While coming out of a restaurant on Saturday morning (wife and kids in tow), I heard the “text message” alert from my cell phone. As I was holding Garrett, I casually pulled my phone out of my pocket and noticed that “Sherlock” sent me a picture. I unlocked my phone, enlarged the image, and was shocked to find (what I assumed was) a picture of Sherlock’s “Conquest” from the previous night. I began to laugh uncontrollably when I saw what was going on in the background: (I cropped the original picture to make it more “Family Friendly.”)
I quickly flipped the phone around to show GWE and she began to laugh out loud as well.
Justin saw both GWE and I laughing while looking at the image on my phone. Even though it was CLEARLY inappropriate for children, he wanted to know what we saw. Both GWE and I felt it was not right for him, so we assured him that “he wouldn’t find it funny” and “it wasn’t right for someone his age.” He was insistent and demanded to know what was on the phone. So, I….maybe….kinda…..sorta….caved.
After the 1000th “please show me the picture,” I turned to GWE and said, “Just show it to him. It’s not that big of a deal.” (It’s at these moments when I imagine a tiny attorney with a stack of paperwork and a Mont Blanc pen appearing out of nowhere to indemnify my wife from all of my stupid decisions.) Taking no ownership of this decision all the while giving me the “This-Will-Be-Your-Fault” judgmental stare, she handed Justin the phone. It took him a minute and then he began to laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.
I thought it would be wise to return an image to Sherlock to show him how these images were corrupting my family (and getting me….and now Justin…..in trouble!) I told Justin to give me his best “Surprised Marlin” look. This is what we sent back to Sherlock with a note: “You’ve just ruined my son’s childhood.”
As an addendum to this story, I called Sherlock and said “I only have one question: Why the hell was your date watching “Finding Nemo” while getting dressed after a night of debauchery?!?!?!” I’ve heard of people having a cigarette after sex. I even know a guy who has to eat a grape popsicle after sex. (Freud would have a field day with that one!) But, NEMO?!?!?!” He laughed and told me that it wasn’t actually a picture that he took. The pictures he did take….those can’t be shared.