Some People Claim that There’s A Woman to Blame….

marg1For some reason, Garrett was inconsolable last night right before going to bed. I tried to do everything I could think of to make him happy and comfortable, but nothing worked.

At first, I read him his two favorite books: “Good Night Moon” and “Where’s The Baby’s Belly Button?” (As a side note – you would NOT believe where the baby’s belly button was!) He was fine until the books ended. Then, he would begin to cry again.

After I read him his books, I began to sing his favorite songs: “You Are My Sunshine,” “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad,” Itzy Bitzy Spider,” and “Row, Row Row Your Boat.” Each time I finished a song, I would begin to lift him off of my chest to move him into the crib. However, each time I picked him up, he would start to cry again.

Now, I had a new problem – I had run out of songs. I don’t know what happened, but I could not think of a single song. My mind went blank. So, I did what any white, mid 30’s, exhausted dad would do – I began to sing Jimmy Buffett’s “Margaritaville.” Nothing soothes a toddler like songs about drinking, getting tattoos, and blaming women for your problems. As I sang, he calmed down. At the end of the song, he began to cry once more…so I continued by singing “The Lost Verse” to “Margaritaville.”

As the song ended a second time, Garrett began to get upset again. I did what any rational father would do, I kept singing and made up new words to the song!

Garrett didn’t enjoy them. I hope you do.

(Sung to the tune of “Margaritaville”)

Sucking on binkies,
Your butt is so stinky.
I think there’s a poo in your diaper right now.
Mommy thinks you’re a cutie.
She don’t know about the doodie.
You’ve exceeded the limit Pampers says to allow!

Wastin’ away again in Margaritaville
Wiping off your green booger assault.
Some people claim that there’s a woman to blame,
But I know…
it’s all Mommy‘s fault.

6 thoughts on “Some People Claim that There’s A Woman to Blame….

  1. Hahahahaha!! Fantastic!
    I absolutely DESPISE Jimmy Buffett (not as a person–he seems lovely–just as a musician). My husband owns every Jimmy Buffett CD ever made. Naturally he has taught my children to sing (and request) Jimmy Buffett songs at every opportunity. It’s like payback for all the times I’d never agree to listen to Jimmy Buffett over the years. TORTURE. I prefer your version!

  2. Ha! Thanks for this! I completely understand your Buffett frustration! GWE and I have an agreement. She can’t make fun of my Buffett music and I won’t make fun of her Indigo Girls music. But – if my kids start singing “Galileo” – they’re out of here!!!

  3. Dude! I love the Indigo Girls! But I’ve got a new project I’m working on with Jayden right now: I’m trying to teach him to sing “Ooga chaka, ooga ooga, ooga chaka, ooga ooga…” while I sing “I can’t fight this feeling deep inside of me…” So far, well, he finds my singing to be enough of a distraction that he immediately stops “Ooga chakaing” as soon as I open my mouth.

    Awesome “Margaritaville” lyrics, by the way. I’ve made up more creative verses to pop songs in the past two years than I could possibly count (or remember). Good idea writing yours down!

  4. My son’s favorite song “Hush Little Baby Don’t Say A Word” has completely made up lyrics after the diamond ring verse…so it to can go on and on and on when he’s fussy. And he’ll probably have a complex about how smelly his hats get… (“If that baseball cap smells foul, Mommy’s gonna buy you a snowy owl..”)

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