Right now, there are six CDs in my car changer: 1) Mumford & Sons – Babel, 2) Project X – Soundtrack, 3) Maroon 5 – Overexposed, 4) Zack Brown Band – Caged, 5) Bruno Mars – Doo-Wops & Hooligans, and 6) Little Big Town – Tornado. As you can see, I like musical variety. I want Justin and Garrett to be exposed to as much great music as possible, but GWE and I were in complete agreement that (for the time being) I would not play Hip Hop or Rap while they are in the car. While I like it, I don’t want to have to explain some of the lyrics to Justin. The only Hip Hop album in my car right now is the soundtrack to “Project X.” Needless to say, I skip over Disc 2 whenever it comes up.
A few days ago, I was taking both kids to school and I needed to stop by the bank. I pulled in, left the car (and stereo AND AIR) on, and told Justin to watch his brother while I walked three feet away to use the ATM machine. Normally, this transaction only takes 30 seconds…but that morning, the ATM had a hard time reading my card. As I waited for the machine to read my card, I looked back to the car and saw Justin bobbing his head up and down like a metronome. A voice in the back of my head said, “I don’t remember him doing that before.” I assumed he found a song that he really liked. Sadly, I was right.
After almost two minutes of dealing with the ATM, I walked back to the car and heard a loud “thump, thump, thump, thump.” When I opened the door, I realized that Disc 1 had ended and Disc 2 (a disc he had not heard before) had begun. Justin was rhythmically moving his head to Pusha T’s “Trouble on my Mind.” I thought we were ok, until I heard:
Pardon my french, I’m going hard as my dick
When I envision my tip on the crust of bitch’s lips
Mr. Lipschutz has been trippin’ since I mentioned Reptar’s
Triceratops dinosaur dick
Once I heard “Triceratops dinosaur dick,” I thought it was time to go back to Maroon 5. As soon as I hit disc change, Justin yelled at me – “NNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! DADDY, I LIKED THAT!!!! GO BACK!!!!” I told him that he was not ready for that music yet and that he was too young. He begged….he pleaded….and I am weak. I went back to Project X in hopes of finding something more appropriate.
“Ok, Justin. Let’s try song number 2.” I said. All of a sudden we heard AMG yell out “BITCH BETTA HAVE MY MONEY!” In an effort to make it stop, I hit the wrong button and fast forwarded the song to:
This dick of mine ain’t friendly baby.
Will it hurt you…yeah maybe.
Once again, I quickly pressed the change disc button. I couldn’t take it. “NNNNOOO!!!!!! DADDY, I LIKED THAT SONG TOOOOOOOOO!!!!” I let this go on for almost 4 minutes. (Once again, because I am weak.) Thankfully, I pulled up to his school and let Justin out before he could “pop a cap in my ass.”