I have determined that the sole reason to have children is so they can be our “Candy Minions” for Halloween. Time after time, we tell our children not to talk to strangers…and CERTAINLY not to take candy from them. But, for one night a year, not only do we send our children out to “Chase the Sugar Dragon” – but we MAKE them talk to strangers in order to get candy from them.

This year was the first year that Justin was able to do my bidding – well! I dressed him up, took him by the hand, and made him walk the cold, lonely neighborhood streets of Northridge, California. House after house, I made him knock on stranger’s doors asking for candy. We took note of who gave us handfuls of candy and who gave out just a few pieces. (God help those who ignored us this year! I’m a dad who buys my toilet paper at Costco. It’s 54 rolls of cheap, shitty paper that will hang in your trees for weeks! You have been warned!)

When Justin returned home with his bounty, I told him how proud I was of him. He managed to stay away from the Nekko Wafers, Butterscotch suckers, and anything with Coconut! He scored with “Squared” (not “Fun Sized”) Snickers and Milky Ways. He brought in bunches of Skittles, M&Ms (regular and peanut), Twix, Kit Kats, and more! I’m even fine with the package or two of Smarties that fell out of his bag.

My boy did good this year. Next year, we’re going to profile some other neighborhoods for bigger and better “Sugar Daddies (and Mommies).”