Fred the Frugal Tooth Fairy

This is not the first dad blog about a child losing a tooth. This isn’t even the first dad blog about a child losing a tooth today! This is about something more important – TOOTH MONEY!

For the past few days, Justin has been wiggling another loose tooth. Twice, we sat down to try and pull it out…but it just wasn’t ready. Two days ago, Justin walked up to me and said, “It’s time daddy.” I said ok, grabbed a tissue, and I positioned myself to yank out #24. (I am the son of a dentist. Random information like this is stuck in my brain.) Instead, he held out his right hand and stopped me. With his left hand, he reached into his own mouth and plucked the tooth out all by himself!  (Like a MAN!)

Now, it was Tooth Fairy Time. What you should know is that I gave Justin’s Tooth Fairy a name after Justin lost his first tooth. But GWE told me not to use that name because “it’s too silly and he’ll know it’s you (meaning, me) and he also knows your (me, again) handwriting.” Yes, I can be silly. However, I did not realize that our son had a degree in Graphology (the pseudoscience of Handwriting Analysis) and that he was prepared to use CSI techniques to uncover the identity of “The Tooth Fairy.” So the first note to Justin was nice and very generic.

This time, I gave The Tooth Fairy a name – Fred. Why did I name him Fred? Because everything in our house that gets named by us (minus the children) usually gets named “Fred.” Our fern is “Fred.” We have two fish: “Fred” and “Fred the Undead.” Plus, I’m pretty sure “Fred the Feces” was hiding in Garrett’s diaper this morning.

I finished “Fred the Tooth Fairy’s” letter to Justin and attached a five dollar bill. Patiently, I waited until I was satisfied that Justin was asleep before attempting to “take the tooth and leave the money.” (See below) Before I was able to “accomplish my mission,” GWE walked into the house. She approved of the note, but not of the money. She told me that five dollars was way too much and that a dollar should suffice. I disagreed. I thought five dollars was fine (although, still a little cheap.)

So, readers – I leave it to you! What is the right amount of money to leave a child when a tooth falls out?

This is the best sketch I have ever seen about Tooth Fairies!

5 thoughts on “Fred the Frugal Tooth Fairy

  1. GWE is right. A buck is the going rate, unless your kid really suffered during the loss of the tooth. Only under special circumstances would I back the $5 bill. For example: brother knocked it out, permanent tooth extracted for orthodontic treatment, elevated own tooth using coconut and skate blade while stranded on a deserted island, etc.

  2. Ha! Great response! I offered to punch him in the face repeatedly, but he declined my offer.

    I could have sworn that I got a dollar per tooth when I was a kid. I just assumed that there would be Tooth Fairy Inflation over 30 years!

  3. I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot lately and even think I might blog about it–since a girl in my daughter’s class got a BICYCLE…yes a BICYCLE from the Tooth Fairy. It blew my mind. Now every kid in that class thinks that’s the going rate for teeth…stupid teeth they are shedding without any effort!! What were those parents thinking??!!

    Anyway….we are cheapos. We gave $5 for their first tooth ever and $1 for each tooth thereafter. (again, we are cheap so not to be trusted that this is fair market price. Plus we’re in North Carolina not NY or LA. I’m not sure if cost of living stuff needs to be worked into Tooth Fairy calculations or not.)

  4. A BIKE?!?!?!?!!? What the hell?!?!?! Why not buy the kid a puppy every time a tooth falls out??? That’s insane!!

  5. Pingback: Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad | The Dose of Reality

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