Justin and I were drenched in sweat while wearing our goggles, face masks, and gloves. Every few moments, we would have to evacuate the shed due to fumes…even with the industrial fan working at high speed. It was either work through the fumes, get high, and then hallucinate that we were watching unicorns talking to leprechauns while pooping pizzas….OR, take more frequent breaks. We chose to take more frequent breaks.

Justin and I were in an 80 square foot, metal shed in the middle of August with four cans of Metallic Blue, Rust-Oleum Professional spray paint, 1 quart of white Behr Premium Elastomeric (Acrylic latex formula) paint, 3 cans of Hilti Caulking Foam, “Golden Pecan” MinWax Wood Finisher and Sealant, 2 cans of Oil Modified, Polyeuthane semi-gloss “Almond” paint, and something called Kilz. Luckily, I also knew that I had access to GWE’s “post-pregnancy” Vicodin and ice cold Grey Goose. I knew I was going to need them to ease the pain in my lower back (yet still be able to see the unicorns talk to the leprechauns while pooping pizzas.)

Some of the paints that we were using were so toxic that Home Depot kept them in locked cages. I had to show ID just to buy paint! Regardless, it was worth it! I just wish I had fully explained to Justin the toxicity level we were dealing with. “Why??” you may ask. Well…Justin’s first act was to spray my arm with Rust-Oleum Spray Paint.

It took a moment for me to realize what had happened. And, it took a little longer to think of how to get it off my arm. Do I wash it with soap and water? Do I need a special chemical to treat it? Will I need radiation therapy? Or, should I just cut my arm off now before it spreads? (The answer: A Brillo Pad, Nail Polish Remover, and a threshold for pain.)

The good news is…the interior painting has been finished. We will continue to move forward with the renovation as soon as we can. (And I will find a way to repay Justin for his “kindness” without turning him into The Toxic Avenger.)

The Interior Painting is Complete!