I have discovered a pain more traumatic than amputation, more piercing than a knife wound to the chest, and some say – more excruciating than childbirth. And, not that fancy “hospital childbirth.” No! That nasty, “delivered-in-the-back-of-a-car-going-90-mph-on-a-bumpy-road-on-the-way-to-the-hospital-with-no-epidural” childbirth. The pain that makes all others pale in comparison is the pain of stepping on a Lego (barefoot) in the middle of the night.

Last night, at 2:15am, I awoke thirsty and decided to get some cold water from the refrigerator. With both eyes closed, I exited the bedroom and turned left towards the kitchen. I made it approximately 8 feet when “Lego-mageddon” occurred. I stepped on a 2×1 Lego piece while barefoot and a bolt of hot pain and sharp spasms shot up my leg, traveled up my spine, and then slammed my brain against its protective skull. I slumped over as if my legs had been taken out from underneath me. A tsunami of curse words never before uttered in that particular sequence in the entire history of mankind began to spew out of my mouth. But, because there were three other people under my roof sleeping peacefully, I had to clasp both hands over my mouth to keep from waking anyone up.

I found myself slumped over, holding onto the wall for support, and trying to open my eyes wide enough to find the Lego that brought a grown man to his knees! I lifted the bottom of my right foot and there was the culprit…still sticking to my foot. I grabbed it and threw it across the room. In anger and frustration, I gave up on the water, turned back towards the bedroom, and limped back to bed.

I would like to point out something interesting here. Legos are from Denmark. “Protective” Wooden Clogs are from Sweden. Both are Scandinavian countries. Hmmmmm…….I see a conspiracy here……..