(To protect the identity of those people I’ve already offended, I’ve kept parts of this story vague.)
Have you ever had a friend tell you how embarrassed they were when they innocently asked someone what their “due date” was – only to have them find out that the person was NOT actually pregnant?
I have now done much, much worse.
Several weeks ago, I ran into a friend who told me that she was pregnant. She is a very sweet woman in her mid 20s who is wonderful with children, very energetic, and someone that BWE and I truly like. She confided in me that this was not planned. She and her husband were quite surprised, but very pleased. We chatted for a few moments more about her pregnancy and how she was feeling and then I continued on my way.
Three weeks ago, I happened to run into her again. We talked for a few moments and as we were walking in the same direction I found myself a few steps behind her. In a non-perverted, completely innocent, genuinely-interested-in-her-pregnancy and complimentary tone, I said – “Gee – how is it possible that you look so thin?” She turned back to me and said, “I had a miscarriage.”
At that moment, I felt like such a douche bag. I know – you’re saying to yourself, “C’mon, you couldn’t possibly have known.” True….but if I had just shut my mouth and kept walking all would have been fine. She was incredibly sweet about it and told me that it was for the best, clearly her body was telling her something was wrong, the timing wasn’t right for them, etc. All the while, I’m thinking that now I’m even more of a douche bag because not only have I brought up a shitty subject, but she’s actually trying to comfort ME!!
So, here is what I’ve learned from this – unless you are pregnant AND I am actually related to you AND you already know that I’m an asshole before I even open my mouth, I will no longer inquire about “how’s it going?”
This is my public service announcement of the day.